Day 4: Nevertheless, She Persisted

What a day! I have literally been day dreaming about all types of foods today, mainly the variety of the ones off limits. Doughnuts & chocolate & candy & DORITOS! My goodness, what I wouldn’t do for that cheesy crunch right about now. I’m not going to lie, I even looked up if there was a way to fairly “cheat” my way for a few bites of that tasty goodness. But to no avail. That Atkins website sure is structured & covers their bases, I’ll give them that! I’m wondering if all of this day dreaming about the foods I am choosing to no longer put into my body is of any benefit to me, or if it is only torturing me more. I choose to word it that way, instead of “foods I cannot have,” or “foods I am deprived of” because it implies that the control is with me. This tactic really helps!

However, this train of thought has truly gotten me wondering whether I am making this decision out of love or fear? I feel a hypocrite in posting my first image as “loving yourself enough to eat healthy” when I may not even be there quite yet. It’s ironic that I fear that fear is ruling my life & decisions. But there does not seem to be some sort of “off” switch in order to change the way I have approached things. It’s a bummer, you know? Do you have any suggestions for tangible steps I can take in trying to make this switch from fear to love? I know this is a loaded question, I just want to make a change before I stop myself from experiencing life! If I am being honest with myself, I believe that I made this decision to listen to my doctor & start the Atkins diet more out of fear of the fungus growing inside me (refer to my first blog post, Mission: Take Care, for more information), and not out of any love in preserving my health. Even today, a dear coworker of mine & I were watching Mamma Mia (GREAT movie!) and I was so embarrassed to dance out of fear of judgement, with no consideration for myself or my love of dance. These may seem like little things, but I’ve become to notice that more & more, this bashful side of me can definitely have its drawbacks!

I’m sure we’ll be revisiting much of this later. I would sure appreciate hearing your thoughts!

Also there is an apparent difference in the food that I dreamt of & the food that I actually consumed. But I did stay at 15 grams of carbs! Here’s the list for today:

Breakfast: 1/4 cup yogurt, 1 Tbsp. Chia seeds, 1 handful sliced almonds (not particularly appetizing, but it’s filling & I’m not tired of it yet!)

Exercise: Yin Yoga & Meditation (That class does amazing things for my mind & body, I absolutely LOVE it!! I’m so glad that I had the motivation to go today. 🙂 )

Lunch: 1.5 servings of tilapia (6 oz. maybe? I’m trying!), 1 Tbsp. Olive Oil, 1 cup spinach, 1/2 cup broccoli, 1/3 cup cauliflower

Snack: French Vanilla Atkins protein shake

Dinner: 6 oz. salmon, 1 cup cucumber slices, 1.5 oz. (ish) hard parmesan cheese (this was delightfully filling!)

Snack: Cookies & Cream Atkins protein shake (I had to work the desk late, so this helped curb any cravings I may have had. I’m especially vulnerable with the vending machines so accessible while working the late shifts that I decided to take preemptive measures, even if I may not have been quite hungry for it).

Water: 12 cups


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